“Being healthy is not about the amount of weight that you lose, but the life that you gain. ” Anonymous
“Damn it.” I thought as I looked down at the bag of Doritos I’d just finished. “I’m gonna have to eat only vegetables this entire weekend just to work this off.” I threw the bag down in disgust and walked to the kitchen. It’s funny how much I attached my quality of life to how much I weighed. If I were any bigger I’d never get married, I’d never travel the world, I’d never meet the man of my dreams. It’s funny since I weighed about 150 lbs at the time.
For years I have struggled with attaining what my idea of the perfect weight was. Each time I’d go grocery shopping I’d study the labels, I’d count the calories, I’d think of all the happiness I was missing out on because of my stomach. When did I become this person? When did I lose sight of myself?
My ex and I had only been living together for 4 months when the verbal and psychological abuse began. Before then I’d been in college, and with my lack of a full-time job, and thus a lack of money I hardly ate full meals, if any at all. After moving in, I had a lot more money and thus more food. I could snuggle up in bed and watch a movie while munching on some popcorn or grab some cereal. I was comfortable.
He was constantly away on work assignments so I was alone quite a bit. At first we’d talk almost every night and it was great. Soon, every night became every three nights, and this soon became every week. He was slowly but surely telling me he had lost interest. I was devastated. In a last attempt to stir up some sort of feelings, I sent him, what I thought at the time, a very sexy picture of myself.
“Don’t you ever send me anything like that ever again. That was the most disgusting thing I have ever seen!”
Those words cut into me like a maniac with a dagger. If I told you I was hurt that would be a lie. I wasn’t hurt. A part of me died that day. That was the moment my struggle with weight, body anxiety, and overall lack of self esteem began. The last thing I remember of that night was staring at a knife laying on the counter-top until I cried myself to sleep.
A few weeks after the relationship ended, my mother and I ran into my ex’s mother and sister. I will never forget the look on my mother’s face as they laughed me to scorn. In their eyes I was a pig that had been fattened up by the butcher. I was the trash that had had been tossed out. I was less than human.
It has taken me many years, lots of crying, and a breakthrough, but I have come to realize that true beauty lies beneath. I’ve also come to understand that size does not equal happiness. What really matters is that you are happy and healthy, and that you are living your life to the best of your ability.
Don’t let society tell you that smaller is better, or even that bigger is better. True happiness does not exist on a scale. True happiness exists in every moment that takes your breath away. It lies in the little things that make life worth living. True happiness depends on you.
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Wonderful article. Awaiting for more awesome read further. Happy blogging 🙂
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I agree with… your happiness depends on you and you alone.
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great read! I dealt with this too with my ex. We often become our best when we let go of the negativity that was holding us back. Thanks for sharing!
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Good on you for brushing past this. Shake it off Taylor Swift.
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Hello!
I am a blogger over at Basically, Britain (basicallybritain.wordpress.com) and I have nominated you for the Sunshine Blogger Award!
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Love your bravery and opening your heart to the world.. love your content.
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Well said. I feel like I know you with your writing style.
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Some people are not meant to be thin. They are supposed to be healthy and happy. As long as you lead an active life you should never feel guilty about eating.
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I thing word have the power to create, uplift and destroy and in your case they distroyed your confidence and self image, you look very good.
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Oh I have been there. Eating chips, giving up the next moment, eating veggies for two days and then again picking up those chips. Never easy to give up on the things that are not perfect for us. Pun intended!
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Positive outlook; the last paragraph really resonates. Good vibes only 🙂
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Oh my goodness…I’m so sorry that you had to deal with that. People can be so cruel sometimes!
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Went through a lot of the same with me ex (of 28 years!) and I was depressed severely at one point. I am happy to have come to the point where I realize perfection is NOT a goal and that nobody else should ever have power to bring me down. Good for you for being so strong!
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First of all, I’m so glad you got away from that abusive a**hole. Good for you! Second of all I totally agree, as long as you are happy and healthy nothing else really mattes. Being happy is a the main component to health.
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This is a great and inspiring post. I truly appreciate this article. I’ve had my own weight issues throughout the years. But I realized that no real positives were coming from me being my own enemy instead of my best friend. Keep doing amazing work! 😀
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Wow! Hats off to you girl. I would probably slap them in the face. I’m glad you are able to rise above this and move on with your life. People like that don’t understand the hurt and pain they caused but I bet when they see you all happy and unbothered that they’ll slither back into your life. Looking forward to more posts from you.
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You are absolutely. No one else can judge you. And no one should decide how you feel about yourself too!
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Are you kidding??? You are absolutely Gorgeous. And I can tell it is inside and out!!!
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why you are thinking about past! it was just a past, so many people have that type of past for various reason!! but due to that now you are more focused on each and every thing what you want to do,take it as positive you are beautiful dear..
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