“Sometimes it takes an devastating breakdown, to have an undeniable breakthrough.” Unknown
I recently wrote about the long struggle I have had with my body, and with my weight. I was pleasantly surprised that so many people, including males who are normally seen as not really having such issues, could relate to my little post. One reader also asked me how I got to the place of peace that I currently am. I decided this would be the perfect place to respond.
*Disclaimer: Parts of my story might be hard to read, so trigger warning*
A thousand images flashed through my mind as I lay there on the floor. Would this moment be my last? I cried. I really didn’t know what else to do. He wasn’t heavier than me but he was stronger. I knew I couldn’t possibly overpower him, and I felt hopeless and lost. I held my breath as I waited for him to strike. That was the moment I knew I was going to die. That single moment changed my life forever.
I think I was at my lowest then. All semblance of worth I ever thought I had in myself was gone. How had I become another statistic? How was I so stupid? The more I thought about my situation each day, the more I cried. The more I cried, the more I ate, and the more I ate, the heavier I became. I was at the very bottom of the barrel, and it would take a miracle to pull me from this hole of depression that I had fallen into.
Luckily, God put some amazing people in my life, and I have never been more grateful. Firstly, they listened as I vented, and yelled, and screamed at them for hours. It was the best feeling ever. I could finally get everything off my chest. They both comforted and scolded me. The entire time I was in that abusive relationship I blamed myself, and I was wrong. It wasn’t my fault. It took two years before I could truly believe that.
After that, it wasn’t a smooth recovery. I had my ups and downs, and my good days and bad. The start of the new me began the day that I cut my hair. Cutting your hair is always a good start, I believe. It felt like a weight had been lifted, and all the bad memories seemed to grow more and more dim with each and every snip. I worked out a balanced diet which could best work for me and my hectic lifestyle. Many times we tend to try to fit our lifestyle to a particular fad diet, and because we do not realize that everyone’s body works differently, we end up failing. This diet included a lot of fruit and nuts, which I found were much better alternatives to the usual stuff I’d been snacking on throughout the day. I also changed my commuting habits and stopped taking taxis in favor of walking, and tried to use the stairs more often than the elevator.
The biggest part of my recovery came from God. I had been a Christian for many years and had seen and experienced wonderful things. But what God did for me, all the pain He took, this broken heart that He mended; to Him, I will forever be grateful. He helped me to see the beauty in all of my ashes. He helped me to stand on my own two feet and not be as dependent as I had been on other people. He made me a much happier person.
Nowadays, I can say that I have a pretty healthy relationship with myself, my body and with other people. I’m in no way perfect, and every now and then, I must remind myself that I am beautiful just as I am. The same goes for you. If you are going through a similar experience, don’t give up. You’re one step closer to your breakthrough. Take control of your life today. Start making the right decisions, and start inviting the right people into your life. Most important, never lose hope. Never give up. The ones who gave up will never know how close they came to victory.
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