“One day, when the pages of my life are over, I know you will be one of its most extraordinary chapters.” Unknown
Dear death, sometimes I wonder if you are a bad person. Sometimes I wonder why you choose the ones you do. Sometimes, I wish you never existed. Dear death, do you sit behind a desk staring at the list of the living, and once you get bored, do you delete a name? Do you know what it’s like to lose someone you love? Sometimes, I wish you did.
Last November, I lost someone very close to me; my aunt. But I only lost an aunt, my mom lost her other half. It’s hard enough for anyone to see a friend or family member die, but what must it feel like to lose your twin sister? The pain. The denial. The whole thought process is something I would never want to experience. Why her? Why not me? How do I go on with my life, when half of me has died?
Over the past two years, I‘ve also lost uncles, cousins and my grandpa, and honestly, sometimes I am not too sure how much more I can endure. It almost feels like a part of my heart gets ripped away each time the phone rings, and I hear “the pause.“ How do you prepare yourself for that kind of news? Is there some kind of magic potion that will make it all better? No, there isn’t. Death is just as much a part of life, as birth is, and that’s something we all need to acknowledge.
It’s astounding how abruptly life can change. One minute you‘re sitting down, sipping some coffee, and catching up on the latest episode of “This Is Us,” and the next minute, you‘re in the ICU wondering how you never saw this kidney transplant coming. Many people believe that they are impenetrable; the man or woman of steel, and so they waste their lives doing things, which at the end of the day, do not make them happy. Life is a precious gift. It is not something to be meddled with. It is not something to be wasted. I know if my aunt were alive today she’d tell you the same thing. You need to live your present life to the fullest, and make the best out of each and every experience.
I loved her outlook on life. Whether in sickness, or in health, she always wore a smile, and she never hesitated to leave you with a kind word and a prayer.I‘m really grateful that I was able to see her one last time before she died. I will forever remember the look on her face, and the happiness in her voice as we talked and laughed so freely. Those memories are the ones that keep me going each day. Whenever I‘m feeling down, or if I feel like I can’t go on, I remember how bravely my aunt fought to the end.
One day, I look forward to seeing her again. I look forward to catching up, and telling her about my misadventures, just to make her laugh one more time. For now though, I will live my life as best I can. I will set goals and accomplish them. I will reach for the stars, and hopefully land on a cloud. I will be happy. I know that I want to be just like her when I grow up. Because if I can be even half the person she ever was, then the future already looks brighter.
**To everyone who has lost a love one, I give you a virtual hug and a prayer. May you find peace and may your loved ones rest in peace. Don’t waste any of the moments you have been given. The best way you can honour them and their memory is to live for every heartbeat, every footprint, and every moment that takes your breath away. Bless!
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